January 5, 2015 Garyeoghan

12 Rubbish Things You’ll Hear Back At Work Today

For many people, today is the first official day back in work. And with the first working day of the year comes one truth: you will get a lot of rubbish chat. Luckily in this office we don’t abide by the rules of boring chat when there is work to be done, puppies to be petted and quizzes to make sure we get 100{262b22605905d7bdadc9d0423a4a46028d1c16e5c2069f052c9de36584b442a6} in.

Now that it’s halfway through lunchtime and the first work day back,  check to see how many of these hollow words you’ll have heard or been subjected too this morning.

Every Monday morning...

1. “Oh just good to be back you know.”
Uttered by the person who was secretly bored as of December 27th and doesn’t quite know how Netflix works.

2. “Diet starts today.”
Diet chat on the first day? This person is the worst.

3. “Have to start writing 15 on everything now.” (followed by fake guffawing laugh)
For anyone who says this, tell them you don’t believe in the Gregorian Calendar.

4. “Haven’t even had time to take the tree down.”
This is what lazy people do. Remember anyone who says this as they won’t be of use whenever deadlines loom later in the year.

5. “Glad to be out of the house”
Question everything someone who says this does for the rest of the day and make sure they don’t have a meltdown.

6. “Spoiled rotten by Santa.”
Try not to get jealous when you realise someone else’s children got better presents than you got yourself.

7. “No seriously the diet starts today.”
More diet chat on the first day? They won’t last.

8. “Yep, joined the gym and all.”
Re: points 2 & 7

9. “Haven’t even had time to get the house back to normal.”
Question any person who says this by asking them what “normal” is. It will hopefully start an existential crisis.

10. “Aw, I’m still hungover.”
Show-offs. Exhibit nothing but jealousy before asking if they’ve joined the gym.

11. “That’s me off the drink now.”
The first step in denial

12. “First day off the cigs.”
The second step in denial. Don’t forget to talk to someone like this while holding a pencil or pen in a fashion that looks just like you’re going to take a quick puff any second now.

If you score 1 or above on any of these phrases then well done. Just remember that its only 4 days until the weekend. Godspeed.

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